I have never really been very expressive or accepting of my emotions towards myself. I suppress them, and thankfully, (most of the time) they don't fight back, they just eventually simmer and die out. But the emotions that have presented themselves as I drive to and from classes three times a week have a hard time dying out because they do cartwheels on my dashboard as I try to get to class on time.
This is what they say:
You haven't done anything fun with Carson today. Go home.
It is good to continue your education like this. Go to class.
Ashlyn really likes YOU to drive her to school. go home.
You deserve this chance. Go to class.
After school snacks and Mom go hand in hand, go home.
BJ enjoys the time with the kids, go to class.
You don't need a job go home.
This is an amazing opportunity, go to class.
What are you avoiding? Kids? GO HOME!
This is a step toward the future, go to class.
Is this what you want to do with your life? Go home.
You have seen BJ 2 hours total this week, go home.
Your house is a MESs! Go home.
Am I wasting time? What is my plan?
I can't type fast enough to satisfy the debate in my....heart? Mind? I have many friends that work and raise kids and don't seem to struggle. I am only gone 9 hours a week tops, and all but Monday night, I pick my time away. Is it just change playing tricks on me? Should I feel so conflicted?
I am totally happy and excited and could stay much longer when I have class, but after and before, I get bombarded with emotions!
How do I deal with this???!!!
4 comments:
Research shows that kids are happy and healthier when their parents have passions. It is good modeling for them to see that you are invested in education. I'm sure the voices will always continue but totally savor your time to learn and grow. There is a purpose!
I think just about every mom that does anything like school or work goes through this. I know I have! And it will probably never go away, unless you know- know that this is what you are suppose to be doing with a part of your life, right now. Take some time... think about the pros and cons (sounds like you already have done this enough) but then seriously take it to the Lord. When you know that the path you are on in your life is acceptable to the Lord, and you are doing what you need to do- Then you can have a peace of mind, and let those other thoughts go. Oh, they still try to come back- but if you have received your answer, then you can just dismiss them, and don't let them discourage you. --luv ya
Mom of the year award goes to ...
Lizz! =) You know you are awesome. Everyone knows it. Enjoy this!!! BJ really needs this time with the kids. Looking back after you finish school, you will be so grateful he had this one on one time with them because bonds will be built that couldn't otherwise have been. Tell BJ to soak up this one on one time with the kids because they adore their dad and need that time with him too!!!
The fact that you are taking this all so seriously just goes to show what a wonderful mother and wife you are. I'm sending prayers and hugs your way!
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