Downtown in December

This is a picture from the exact place BJ proposed to me nearly 18 years ago.  It is so crazy to think we have been together for 20 years!

It was so magical downtown tonight as we walked from the candy windows at Macy's through temple square and up through the main street church offices block.  It was one of those rare hallmark moments where the kids get along, the husband and wife walk hand in hand reminiscing of time gone by while dreaming about what the future will bring. 

It was actually quite perfect.

Reunion and reminiscing

The Ralph & Grace Cracroft reunion.   A summer extravaganza sure to entice any sociable family member.  I still went.  No, really I enjoy going to these, but lately they seem to be dwindling in numbers.  It is hard planning an event with my parents and 6 siblings and theirs, I can't imagine planning for all the descendants of Ralph & Grace Cracroft.  They had 4 children: Laurie (Laurey?), Paul, Helen (my incredible grandma) and Dick.  I don't know how many kids each of three boys had, but my Grandma had 9 children, each of whom, had a gaggle themselves.  Needless to say, we are a large brood.  Some of my fondest childhood memories are of our reunions at the Timp Lodge (now owned by BYU, maybe even then?)  Callie Cracroft and I were inseparable as we zipped through the seemingly huge lodge and surrounding grounds. That was really the only time of year I got to spend any time with her, and when we got together it was as if we were first cousins and saw each other at every important event.  The lodge its-self was, in my childhood-larger-than-life-recollection, a behemoth estate spanning thousands of square footage with the biggest kitchen, and assembly hall (complete with stage and sound system) with an upstairs with an endless corridor of bunkbeds.  

I remember sleeping so horribly because all night long we would hear, Thump...Waaaahhhh.  Thump.....Waaaaahahh.  Thump....Waaaaahhh, as children would fall off the unrestrained top bunks. If we were lucky enough to have a new baby in the family we could sleep on the opposite side of the floor where babies might cry for a minute or two, but it seamed a heavenly respite considering the crashing/ear-splitting alternative on the other side of the stairwell. 

I loved when we got a slue of cousins and played a rousing game of croquet, volleyball, or my personal favorite, red-rover; I could blast through the toughest couplings....or so I thought.  I loved running around the grounds with Aimee being silly and obnoxious around the boys, and running through the vast kitchen as our moms laughed and chopped whatever vegetables were being served in our evening buffet.  I know our dad's went as well, but they must have been in a man cave because the only time they pop up in my memories were during our evening programs where Uncle Dick would rally us up with a rousing round of "Fried Ham" before my dad trumpeted a tune or or the Zauggs sang a solemn serenade before we returned to the lofts for another night of the thump'n'wail.

Those are days long gone as we all have children of our own and are even farther spread across the country.  Our new method of togetherness is an evening at the park.  It is still joyous with bounce houses, volleyball games, and other lawn fun, a delicious array of sustenance, and even a program of sorts.  I don't mind going, and am always glad when we get to visit with those who are in town for the event, but really miss the tantalizing days at Timpanogos Lodge.

Ode to Mom

I'd be lying if I said I always appreciated my mother.  I, even at the present, don't think I fully grasp what an amazing mom I have. 

The most recent "Amazing Act of Kash" (Mom's name): My house burnt down when I was 16, like...almost to the ground.  We lost everything.  Some things were ok, but severely smoke damaged.  Imagine being a mom and having all your pictures, journals, memories, crumble at your touch. Not getting into it right now, but in the fire, were all of the books that Grandma (seen above) gave each of the kids for Christmas since the year of their birth.  Included in each book was a personalized note (and quite often, poem).  Let me tell you what happens to books in an in-direct fire (meaning, not direct contact with flames...heat and smoke damage only); If they have a book jacket (dust cover? whatever it's called) it turns to dust the first time it is touched, somewhat preserving the book itself .  The book-binding-glue obeys the "liquid when hot" rule and puddles at the base, cools, and you have a nice fat blob of rubber.  As far as the pages, they become brittle and dry and smokey around the edges.  ANYWAY... Mom saved each of our "Grandma Books", and (after years of trying to track down the books to re-buy them without luck for various reasons) this year for valentines day, she had lovingly wrapped each delicate memory in transparent contact paper and hand delivered them with a beautiful poem. I can once again read my treasured Anne of Green Gables, Number the Stars, When I Have a Little Girl, and many others that I enjoyed as a child.  Although my fingers will continue to collect soot from the pages, I can read my grandmas heartfelt words, snuggle up with some home-spun love, then go wash my smokey hands!

That's just typical Kash.

She is constantly doing what is best for her kids and those she loves. Her life could be a  "Mormon-Ad".  She thrives on making others lives easier.  The more I hear about other peoples moms, the more I comprehend how lucky I am to be her daughter. (And my grandma's granddaughter!)

To those who feel jipped in the "Mom Department": My heart aches for you.  Especially when you need a mom and don't have one to turn to.  Just remember, Life is what YOU make it, not what your mom made it....unless your mom made life the way you WANT it .
You choose the footsteps you follow in, you're not given shoes to fit into.

If all else fails, call my mom.  She has a soft shoulder, great hearing, and an open heart.

Thanks Mom.
I love you.

Where has all the time gone?!

So crazy.  I was just posting pictures of my upcoming club night and when I uploaded my pictures from my camera to my computer I saw pictures on there from NOVEMBER! That is CraZy! I am a constant uploader and suddenly felt overwhelmed at the number of events that are going un-documented.
First was our trip to St. George.  It was planned on a Wednesday then we left on Friday, traded in our tank for a "Girl car", as BJ lovingly calls it, hiked, swam, visited with friends and family that live there, and ate out... a lot.

Then my niece Kyra got Baptized, She and AJ are so close, AND she and Ashlyn are super close too!

Then in December I taught Preschool on Thursdays.  What fun we had! The first lesson I taught about Arctic Friends and the kids slid down my 10 ft table on their bellies like penguins, what a hit! The next lesson I made passports for each of the kids and each page represented a different country and explained their unique christmas customs.  Each of the 10 or so countries we "visited" we did an activity or had some food commonly prepared at christmastime in accordance with their holiday rituals.  (Yeah, I totally overplanned that one...Did I mention they're 3?) Then the next lesson we made gingerbread houses and talked about christmas in america, that one hit home a little more, not such glazed looks.

I took the kids sledding on an impulsive whim one night and have been feeling nostalgic ever since. (is this not the cutest picture ever?!)

Christmas was bittersweet.  The kids loved it, but we shared in the loss of a dear family friend who passed away Christmas Eve.   We did celebrate heartily though and spent lots of time with the ones we love and thought of the ones we love who we weren't able to spend time with. (wow...say that ten times fast)

New Years Eve held the most amazing, uplifting, enlightening funeral in history, and I left wanting to talk about it to everyone hoping they would be even slightly infected with the fire it left burning inside me. 

The New Year rang in without a picture on my part, but I have some memories that will last...one of which makes me want to kick whoever decided to commercialize "ring in the new year" right in the shins.

2010 started off with AJ being taken on his first Resort Snowboarding excursion with Grandpa and Cousin Camden.  He nearly killed himself by underestimating his speed and the slope of a berm, but just ended up hurting his back and loving the story he has to tell.

I have two more preschool lessons to teach and have actually had a lot of fun doing it.  (No, I will not make a career out of it, unless the current class never grows up!)

(today's lesson was on Community Helpers and we had to go "shopping" and get some new clothes, aren't they adorable?!!!)

I am continuing with the Fast Track program at Salt Lake Community and am nervous with the unknown possibilities of my career.  I had never really thought beyond staying home and raising kids, but in 2011 Carson will start Kindergarten and being our unplanned last I feel a little taken aback at the speed in which my kids are growing.

I love my life, and everything and especially everyone in it.  I couldn't ask for anything better (well, I could but that would just be greedy) Thanks to all who make my life great, challenging, fun, and an all around amazing experience.

I have to toot my horn!

I had a baby shower Saturday then again the following Thursday (yesterday, and although I missed the one Saturday, I was able to give the new mom to be the gift on Thursday because...) The showers were for Heather and Laura, who are both wives of boy cousins on my mom's side of the family and they are both about to have a baby girl... so I decided to get them both the same gift!

I got a little outfit, wrapped it up in a receiving blanket, made a little box and made 5 bracelets to go in the box. (paper box) The Best part (in my humble opinion) was the little pink pearl bracelet (center of picture) that I decided not to put in with the rest of the bracelets because it was from a "Fallen Necklace" from my Great Grandma. Instead, I wrote the following poem, rolled it up, and attached the bracelet to it and tied it to the top of the gift. The poem was a total last minute thing that came together so well as never before so I have to share it! Read on...

Heritage Pearls

This sweet string of pearls is so much more,

It has many great stories to tell.

For these precious pink beads for your sweet little girl,

Once adored our own Audrey Belle.

Audrey Belle Benson White Brown was her name

Though to your’s it’s Great, Great Grandma Brown.

She would often be found wearing trinkets like these

Not just for a night on the town.

World War 1, Women’s Sufferage, Start and end of Depression

World War 2, and Korea seen past.

Stop Segregation, Men land on the moon,

Oh my! How this world moves so fast.

Marriage, Divorce, Birth and then Death,

These pearls have seen tales unfurl.

Now it’s your turn to bring them alive,

On the wrist of your new baby girl.

A necklace it was, but time broke it down

Let it spread through our great family tree

Your daughter, then hers, or grand-daughter-in-law

Will too think of her Great…

…Great, Great, Great, Grandma Brown.

In Loving Memory...

I just want to cry every time I go to a cemetery! This Memorial Day, my kiddies and I tagged along with my parents to visit out "Preceded By's". We visited quite a few graves, but the only ones I remember are My Grandpa White, and Bj's Grandpa White. (Above pic is AJ with his Great Grandpa Joe White -bj's gpa. My mom took pictures at My Grandpa White's grave)

My Grandma White shared a story about when she was a little girl (which I will share the best I can, I was focusing a lot of energy on not crying, so my recollection may be a little foggy): When she went to visit her grandpa's grave for the first time, she noticed the vase hole in the stone, crouched down, cupped her hands around her mouth and hollered directly to him, "Hellooooooooooo Grandpa". Her mom looked down in awe and said, "That's OK!" Since then it has been a tradition for her. It was fun participating, and watching Betsy and Johnny holler down to their great grandparents. I bet they (the deceased & my cousins) look forward to that every year! I know I will from now on!

My Grandpa John L. White, passed away before AJ was born so none of my kids had the privilege of knowing him. He was an amazing man with the kindest heart. Grandpa was so fun to play games with. He is the one who taught me how to play Backgammon, Hand & Foot, Solitare, 21, and many others. He is also the reason I like lemon or lime in my Diet Coke. Just about every time I went there, we would walk in the door, grandpa would stand up, walk into the kitchen, make diet cokes in a tall glass with ice and lemons, then deliver them to his guests. One of my most sought after memories of grandpa are the quiet moments and looks between him and grandma. I think of those moments and am overwhelmed with love. Never, have I seen a couple more in love. It is what I aspire to with BJ. I miss you grandpa.

BJ's grandpa was also a very amazing man. A WWII veteran, like my grandpa, told great stories of his war days. Last Christmas (or was it the one before) Grandma compiled a book of memories from his children and grand children, and had it bound into a hardback book. It also contained his incredible autobiography that he was working on until the end. I knew him for 12 years before he passed away and grew to love him immediately. He was extremely optimistic and was always thinking of ways to bless the lives of others. Joe was so willing to help out with any project, he even helped tile our house 5 years ago. He was so proud of his family, even down to the great grand kids, he had a special place in his heart for all of us and we knew it.

It is understandable that God needs their perfect spirits to help with his work. I feel their spirits often, and although I miss them immensely, I look forward to the day we will be together again.